Sweet Dreams
by lil-hermione-at-heart
Summary: Katniss has finally pushed Peeta to the edge and it's his last straw. Will she finally admit to herself and him that she loves him or will she let him get away?


**A/N: This story could go with both Someone Like You by Adele or The One That Got Away by Katy Perry, depending on which way you look at it. I was going to write two separate ones but I soon realized that the stories ended up looking almost exactly alike so, here's the result! I do not own the Hunger Games or either song!**

"How long do you expect me to wait, Katniss? How much do I have to give up for you? What else is left for me to do? I've fought with you through two Hunger Games and a war. I had to, and sometimes still do, battle my own mind to demand that it remembers how much I love you. I had waited eleven years loving you from a distance. I know that's my own fault but eleven years, Katniss. And I've still loved you every day since, whether my mind knew it or not. I gave you the time you asked for, more even, when we finally got back to 12. I didn't push, I didn't intrude, and I let you be, just like you asked. But it's been two years since the end of the war, two incredibly long years of me doing nothing but exactly what you asked and more. What more do you want from me?"

By the time he finished, tears were pouring out of his eyes just like the words had poured out of his aching heart. She knew deep down what she was doing to him, and the guilt of it killed her every time she closed her eyes and was bombarded not with images of her baby sister burning but rather of his back, slowly walking away from her. Now, she realized, it may no longer be a dream. So as she stood there watching the tears fall from the ocean blue eyes she always got lost in, the fear of losing Peeta back all too real.

"I can't keep doing this anymore, Katniss. I've done and given so much for you, almost given you my life so many times. But my heart can't take it anymore. I'm sorry," his last words barely a whisper.

Then, just like in her nightmares, he slowly turned from her and walked away, never looking back.

It took her a while to realize that she only had herself to blame. After cursing everyone else under the sun for Peeta leaving her, she found that this time there was no one else at fault. She spent days in bed, days that turned into weeks; the crippling depression all too familiar from the days after the war. Only this time, there was no one there to help pull her out, because she had pushed away the one person who had truly cared. It wasn't until the day Haymitch barged in and finally let out all the disappointment she deserved that she finally accepted that Peeta was truly gone for good.

The following days held Katniss slowly dragging herself out of bed and around the house, doing just about anything to keep from falling asleep in fear of _him_ plaguing them, but he invaded every waking thought anyways. After going through every bottle she had stored up for Haymitch, she passed out into dark nothingness.

A few more days passed as Katniss got over the killer hangover before she finally decided she had beat herself up enough and dragged herself to the shower and then on the hunt for food in town; or maybe it was just that she was starving but out of food, therefore forced to go to town. Her feet dug into the ground as she made her way to the rebuilt town square in search of some groceries. As she mulled about some of the stands that had been set up by local farmers selling fresh crops she saw him, standing behind a table that had been set up in front of the bakery with piles of baked goods on top.

Almost as if he could feel her gaze on him, he looked up and their eyes met; dull grey meeting blank blue. She knew him well enough to know that he was still hurting just by the look in his eyes, the lack of the sparkle that almost always took up residency there. But as she noticed this, the guilt reared its ugly head. _It's your fault that the happiness is gone. It's all your fault._ The little green monster spoke into her head, getting louder and louder until she couldn't take it anymore. Grabbing the few bags of food she had already purchased, she ran all the way back to the Victor's Village, barely noticing where she was going until she was encased in the small four walls of her closet.

Katniss stayed hidden until Haymitch came to attempt to drag her out of her stupor once more. "I ain't no Lover Boy sweetheart, so you're gonna have to find a way to build a ladder and climb out of the hole yourself this time. You done it and you done it good. But you have to realize that this ain't no one's fault but yours. I said it before but I'll say it again. You could live a thousand lifetimes and not deserve him. Except this time, it seems he's figured that out too."

Katniss looked up at her old mentor, surprised to see tears in his eyes. As he wiped away the ones that were already falling down his cheek, she felt a few of her own fall.

"What do I do, Haymitch? I don't know what to do!" she exclaimed.

The old man wrapped his arms around her shoulders, giving her a hug that only made her feel that much worse. "I don't know, Katniss. You've really done it this time. I don't think there is anything you can do."

The combined facts that he had used her real name, was giving her a hug, and actually said that there wasn't anything she could do anymore made it really hit home. _He's gone._

After Haymitch left, Katniss stood in the middle of her room as still as a statue until her legs couldn't hold her up anymore. She attempted to go to sleep but her nightmares only made her regret that decision. Admitting defeat, she got up and dragged herself to the one place she thought she might feel some sort of peace.

The sun just beginning to rise over the treetops and the quietness of the forest, for once, didn't ease the jumbled mess that was her mind. As she sat on the forest floor and tried to think through every emotion that was racing around inside of her, she came to a conclusion. _It's for the best_.

She knew that he deserved someone better than her. She was nothing but a broken, scared, shell of the girl he once loved. She could never give him the happiness he deserved, let alone the desires he wanted out of life, a wife and children. It was as she accepted this fact, that Peeta deserved better than her, that she made her way home and changed everything about herself and her over-sized house that reminded her even slightly of him.

Days drew on, turning into weeks and then months. While it was rare, any time they crossed paths, eyes would focus in other directions and pace would pick up until there was a greater distance between them. It was about six months later, a year after he had left, that she caught sight of him in town again. He was standing out front of the bakery, squatting down in front of a young child with a few cookies in his hand. The child began laughing and thanking him profusely as they took the cookies and ran off to tell their friends.

As Peeta stood up, a tall blonde woman walked out. She turned to him and rested her head on his shoulder as they both watched the child scamper off. Peeta turned his head slightly towards her as she lifted hers and their lips met in a quick kiss. Breaking apart, they smiled at each other while Peeta looped his arm around her waist and led her back inside.

She was surprised at the feelings of possessiveness and jealously that rose within her, but the pain was something Katniss was expecting. While she knew that he was going to eventually move on, seeing it with her own eyes was something she wasn't ready for. So once again, she found herself shoved into the corner of her small closet as the tears rained from her eyes.

A few days later, she finally forced herself to go back to town to finish the errands she'd meant to do before. Making sure she never so much as glanced at the bakery, she made her way from shop to shop, collecting the few items she needed.

Once again, time seemed to pass like a blur to Katniss. She developed her regular routine and stuck to it: get up, shower, hunt, trade with Sae, drop excess meat at the butcher, shower, lunch, pick up meat from butcher, clean, check on Haymitch, stock his fridge, clean up a little, help Sae serve dinner at her new shop, go home, go to bed, and repeat. She kept this up for what she was guessing was a few months, until one day Haymitch was awake, alert, and apparently waiting for her daily visit.

"You might want to sit down, sweetheart. We need to have a little talk."

The fact that he had used his annoying nickname made her feel a bit better, but the rest of the situation was screaming for her to run for the forest. But she sat down on the chair next to the couch anyways.

"I wanted you to know this before it became the talk of the town." _Oh no._ "Better you hear it now and from me than some stranger." _This isn't going to be good._ "Because heaven knows Lover Boy won't tell you." _Peeta…_ "But then again, why would he?"_ Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit._ "But anyways, it seems that he's got himself a new girl." Haymitch paused to judge her reaction before he continued. Noticing that she hadn't even moved a muscle, he plowed on. "And there's to be married next spring."

The pain hit first, just as Katniss was expecting. She knew it was coming the second Haymitch has said "lover boy". Followed by the anger, then jealously, and then more pain. But through it all, she didn't give a single hint that she was affected by the news. She just continued staring at Haymitch, almost as if she expected him to say something else.

"Katniss?"

"Yes?" she mumbled.

"Did you hear me?"

"I did." She paused, not sure exactly what he wanted her to say.

"And?"

"I'm not sure what you expect. It has no relevance to me anymore. He can do what he wants with his life. If he wants to move on with some blonde bimbo then that's his decision." At that, Katniss stood up and made her way to the door. But as she stepped out the door, she heard Haymitch mutter, "I know."

Katniss avoided the town square at all costs for a few weeks in fear of having to see his beaming face as he held the tall blonde close, talking excitedly about the wedding and the wife he's always wanted.

Before she knew it, she was talking shelter in her house, snuggled up by the fireplace, trapped by the winter storms. No one was able to leave their houses for weeks. Finally winter gave way to spring and Katniss made a trip to town to stock up on everything the winter had depleted her of. She was met with people bustling around with things like tables, chairs, decorations, and other things that all screamed WEDDING!

It wasn't like she had forgotten. _How could she forget about Peeta's wedding?_ But for a second, it almost felt like she had. She rushed through every store, desperate to get out of town as fast as possible; and as she made her way home, she wondered if there would every come a day that the slightest suggestion of him wouldn't make her run away like a coward.

From what she had heard, the wedding was beautiful. She no longer turned on her TV in fear of having another rerun of it playing. Being the famous Victor and war hero that he was, Peeta couldn't exactly stop the press from filming every single bit of the wedding. And now, even though it was months later, it was still on TV on a constant loop.

It was one night a few months later as the last of the leaves were falling that Katniss was sitting on her back porch staring up at the stars that she realized it had been over two years since she and Peeta had spoken. Deciding she didn't like this went inside and flicked on the TV for the first time in a very long time. It took her almost 20 minutes just to find the remote. But after the news headline that flashed in bright colors across the screen, she wished she hadn't

**NEWLY WED VICTOR AND WAR HERO TO HAVE FIRST CHILD**

Underneath the headline was a picture of Peeta and his very pregnant wife. All it took was one look at his beaming face and the familiar glint that had returned to his eyes for Katniss to pick up the remote and send it flying into the TV, lodging itself in the screen that sputtered a bit then went black. Now she couldn't watch TV even if she tried.

A few weeks later, Katniss was preparing herself for a fast run to town to gather what she needed before the snow got too bad; and she was thankful when she made it home with everything she needed and without running into anyone _Peeta_ that she didn't want to.

It was another hard winter but thankfully it didn't last as long as the previous one. As the cold slowly drifted away, she made her way to the forest to begin her normal routine. But she crossed along the tree line beside the meadow, a loud cry caught her ears. Not recognizing the sound, she made her way closer to it. As she came to the top of a small hill, she could see two people about 50 yards away; one was sitting on what looked to be a picnic blanket while the other was standing up, swinging a small object around through the air. As the movement continued, another small cry reached her ears. But she realized it wasn't a cry, more light a mix of a scream and a laugh.

It took a few seconds before it all sunk in. Katniss was watching Peeta play with his newborn child while his family enjoyed a picnic in the meadow. It didn't take a genius to figure out he was happy, it was all he'd ever wanted right? As she stood there watching the scene unfold, she felt the world begin to spin around her and it struck her that she was going to faint just as she hit the ground.

Katniss jolted away, moving so quickly that she felt to the ground. With a loud groan she sat up as she took in the sight of her living room. Well at least, she thought it was her living room; it hadn't looked like this for a few years, still set up in the way it was when the Capital built these houses. She had changed everything around after Peeta left.

_Peeta._

She jumped up to her feet and quickly looked around; the TV didn't have a remote stuck in it, the rocking chair was still next to the fire place, sunlight streamed through the open curtains showing all the dust that was floating through the air. She hadn't let her house have a single speck of dust in the longest time; her meticulous cleaning saw to that. But as she continued to look around, her house looked like it hadn't had a proper cleaning in a while.

Beyond confused, Katniss ran outside across the green and into Haymitch's house. She looked around for him frantically before finding him passed out on the floor in front of his couch.

"HAYMITCH!" she screamed.

The old man jumped to his feet, swinging a knife around wildly. When his eyes settled on the startled girl at his door, he let out a long breath. "Damnit sweetheart, it's been two years since the war. Can't you get yourself together already and stop barging in my house!"

"What?" _Two years? What does he mean two years? _"Haymitch, the war was almost five years ago."

"I may be a drunk but I know my dates…kind of. Well, at least what month it is. I would know it if had been five years already. What the hell happened to you?" As his eyes finally took in the state of the rattled girl, he noticed how panicked she looked, along with the bump that looked to be forming on her forehead. "Are you okay?"

Katniss tried desperately to get her heart to slow down. _Two years? That can't be possible!_

"Did you and the boy get into it or something? I thought I heard yelling." All of a sudden, Haymitch's face got serious and he took a few steps forward, grabbing Katniss' arms. "Did he hurt you? Did he have an episode and hurt you?"

"Peeta and I haven't talked in almost three years, Haymitch. How would I know if he had an episode?"

Now the old man was concerned. "I don't know what you're talking about. I saw that boy walking to your house last night. I was going to come over when I heard the yelling but when I saw him storm out, I figured you two were fine."

_The fight. He was talking about the fight. The one they had the night Peeta walked out the door for good._ Katniss looked up to Haymitch's face. "You said the war was only two years ago?"

The old drunk nodded his head.

"Oh my god." Katniss took off out the door before Haymitch could stop her. _It was a dream; it was all a dream._ But there was only one way she could know for sure. She flew back across the green and through the front door of the house next to hers. As she stormed inside, she heard pots and pans clanking around in the kitchen. As she flew through the doorway, she came to a halt as the sight of the man bent over the counter kneading dough came into view. She quickly glanced down to his left hand and noticed it didn't bear a ring.

"Peeta…" she said, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

He looked up at her, noticing for the first time she was standing in his kitchen. "Katniss, what are you…"

But he didn't get to finish. Katniss through her arms around his neck and crashed her lips against his, kissing him with everything she had. When Peeta finally realized what she was doing, he put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her away.

"What in hell?" he exclaimed, a look of confusion and anger mixed on his face.

"I'm so sorry, Peeta," she blubbered. "I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you. I've put you through hell for so long and never once have you complained. You did so much for me and never once did I say thank you." Tears started pouring down her face just like his had last night. She didn't even know where the words were coming from but she knew they needed to be said. "You have always been there for me, constantly protecting me and loving me, and all I ever did to you was push you away. And I'm so sorry. I'll never be able to apologize enough for all that I have put you through. But somewhere along the way, my heart started to realize that pushing you away wasn't what I should be doing. And it took a while for me to realize it, but I had fallen in love with you. And it scared me, Peeta. It scared me so much. So I kept pushing you away when I should have just told you. Every other time I have been scared, you were the one that was there and that helped me through it. I should have just told you. I know I don't deserve you. You deserve something who isn't broken and shattered; someone that can make you so completely happy. But I want to try to be that person. I want to be the reason for your happiness. And I hope that I'm not too late to tell you now. Because if I lost you, Peeta, my life would be so miserable; I can survive without, but I can't live without you. Because I love you."

When she was finished, the tears were still pouring and her nose was dripping but her eyes never left his. She watched as the sparkle that had been absent for the past two years slowly returned and a smile twitches across his lips. "You don't know how much I have wanted you to say that."

"I do, Peeta. I love you so much. I can't lose you. I love you," she continued blubbering, dragging her sleeve across her nose. "I love you."

Peeta grabbed her shoulders again and pulled her to him as his lips collided with hers. She could feel all the pain she had caused him, but also all the love that he had always had for her. As she wound her arms around his neck and his settled on her hips, she returned the kiss with every ounce of love that she had.

Katniss knew what life would be like without him, even if it was just a dream. But it was what made her realize she loved him in the first place. But now that she knew, she wanted nothing more than to keep telling him for the rest of time.


End file.
